The misery of tonsillitis is not to be downplayed. On Saturday, J and I went to a garden centre to buy a new pot for one of our houseplants and gawp at the koi, aquarium fish and baby chicks. (I can make a whole afternoon of a garden centre). As I stepped out of the van, I noticed the glands in my neck hurt with the jostle of each footfall. If that sounds a little Princess and the Pea, I'm serious! Those motherfuckers are my early-warning response system for what we call the BULLFROG THROAT OF DOOM in this house.
Another heads-up is when I am an unforgivable bitch, and boy, was I ever one of those. Carping at J over imagined slights, launching into full-blown character assassination, ending in a tried and trusted favourite: "This is bullSHIT! YOU KNOW WHERE THE DOOR IS!" Poor J. He didn't rise to my taunts, and instead archly asked me if I needed a nap. I ranted and raved as he shoved me, like an overtired child, to the bedroom until passing out cold a few minutes after my head hit the pillow.
I woke up with a searing pain on the left side of my throat. Even swallowing my own saliva was like knocking back a shot glass full of sand and glass shards. My body felt rung out with fever and aches. I was a mess.
By Monday, my vain hopes that it was just a passing thing were dashed. Both tonsils were grotesque, red abominations. J was back at work and looking after the baby was totally exhausting, but what can you do?
Finally, I admitted defeat and went to the doctor today, who took one look and sent me home with 84 erythromycin tablets. I had been scheduled to get my tonsils removed just as I found out I was pregnant with the baby - an operation that, by all accounts, is horrible for adults in terms of pain, but last year I had four separate admissions for peritonsillar abscesses, so fuck this shit. THEY'RE GOING. The doctor is sending a letter to the ENT people on my behalf today.
I know what you're thinking, all eye-rolly and dismissive: "Bit of a sort throat, yeah?" GO TO HELL. I don't know how kids deal with this shit. It's agony! Ever swallow is eye-wateringly painful, my jaw is stiff, my ears hurt, and all the glands in my neck are swollen, giving me the aforementioned bullfrog appearance. I'm thirsty, can't drink, I'm hungry, can't eat. MISERY.
Any tried and true home remedies for the pain are heartily welcomed. The drugs will get on top of it in a few days, but short of putting myself into a coma, I can't get away from the tormenting, knifing pain. Help a sister out.
I'll tell you what will help - some god damned pain killers!? What the hell, you had a baby recently, you should have some vicodin or percocet or something. Lacking that, take a shitload of aspirin or something. Also, cloraseptic or whatever the call it over there - a numbing spray for sore throats. Also get a babysitter. Okay, I've yelled enough.
ReplyDeleteYou might want to ask the doctor for a prescription for viscous lidocaine to gargle with. I feel your pain -- I used to get strep throat all the time and it was miserable. It inexplicably stopped coming back as soon as the doctor announced that if it happened again, my tonsils would have to come out because they're permanently messed up now. (BTW, if a doctor ever tells you that you have cryptic tonsillitis, for the love of god DO NOT google it unless you want to see things that can never be unseen.)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jane, the cloraseptic numbing spray might help. I would say copious amounts of alcohol, but you would have to be able to swallow for that. You poor thing, I've never had the tonsil thing, strep is bad enough. I hope you feel better soon.
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