Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!

 I've arranged a babysitter (SHOUT OUT TO R:  THANK YOU!) for Saturday, so J and I can go to a pub that doesn't have crayons on the table, have a few cheeky drinks and watch the Ireland/Scotland game. I am not much of a sports fan, but there is something electric about watching a game with a crowd of people in the midst of merry-making. The cheering, the bonhomie - it's probably the closest feeling of community you can get when you're living in a big, faceless city. Also, I'm quite keen on watching the rugby boys IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT. 

Of course, we are in mortal danger of being booed out of the pub when we riotously cheer for any success Ireland has - we do live in Scotland after all. Brainwave: we'll go to an Irish pub. There's no lack of diaspora here. Sorted. 

The Irish are one of the most self-referential groups I've known, with Australians and Americans tied for second place. Everything is Ireland this, and Ireland that, and back in Ireland we do it like this, and ZOMG IRELAND IS DA BOMB, ALL YOU BITCHES BE TRIPPIN'. Yeah people don't use that phrase much anymore, SO WHAT. 

In a way, I admit I'm envious. As a Canadian, I don't resonate with a specific national identity.  We don't have traditional clothes, we don't have terribly interesting cuisine, we don't have the benefit of centuries of blood-soaked history to inspire patriotism. We are a good nation, definitely. But we are bland.  If you set us on the global stage and had a Nations of the World pageant, we'd come in somewhere between Switzerland and Belgium. And even they have cuckoo clocks and beer, respectively. 

If any fellow Canadians are reading, don't get all huffy and point out the majesty of our Great Outdoors (TM) because that doesn't count! That was there already! We just take advantage of it. Mounties?  Please. Ice hockey? TALK TO THE RUSSIANS. Peace keeping? Ooops, I just nodded off. 

Being Canadian is like being Ned Flanders. You're nice, inoffensive and well-behaved. Because it's so popular to hate America, it means that you are well received on the global stage. "Oh! I thought you were AMERICAN! Haha! Gross! But you're not, so we won't spit in your food!" That kind of crap I don't have time for. And fellow Canadians? Quit stitching our flag to your rucksacks. It's super lame. You can't make fun of the Americans and call them patriotic lemmings, and then brandish yourself with a symbol of national pride. POT. KETTLE. 

Sometimes, I think it might not necessarily be a bad thing, being the young kid amongst your ancient neighbours, all of whom are bogged down in notions of nationhood, and have passed down hundreds of years of petty bitching to the current generation. It leaves us free to fraternise with whomever we want. Ask the Irish what they think of the English. Ask the Scots what they think of the English. Ask the Indians what they think of the English. Ok, bad examples, everyone hates the fucking English. But you see where I'm going with this. 

I've spent half my life out of my homeland, so it's quite possible I've made myself mentally stateless by moving around the world so much. Maybe its familiarity that breeds nationalism. 

I'm not your friend, buddy! I'm not your guy, pal! BLAME CANADA.